The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
