found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
