i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
