Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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