Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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