this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
