One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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