thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize