just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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