last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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