i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
