...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
