I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
