Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
