no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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