took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
