i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
