Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
