Kiss
Puke
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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