I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
