It's Friday. Sex?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
