its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
