I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
