And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
