i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize