I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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