maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
