WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
