perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
