Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
