im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
