you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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