The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
