So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
