you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
