So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
