I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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