So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
