my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
