I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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