I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
