The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
