ya dads aren't the best wingmen
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she smelled like a LAN party
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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