Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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