have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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