oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
