You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
