just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
