i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
