Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
