next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
