is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
