if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
