I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
