oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
