I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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