I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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