I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the condom got lost in my hair
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
