turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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