I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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