You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
