if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
