dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
