Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
