Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize