I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
