We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
