At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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