Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize