guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
