my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
