Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
