walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
