well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How's work?
Spinning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
