Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
